Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
