I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will be naked everywhere
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
