I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
