I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
