"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
