I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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