She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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