Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
