It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
