Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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