it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
