It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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