If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
