You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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