how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
