I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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