I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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