You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize