her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
