OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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