I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
