Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
