dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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