Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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