Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
