i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
