And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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