he puts the penis in happiness.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
