the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
