I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
