Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
