so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
