So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
