My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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