End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
