Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
