I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
