hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't turn off my feet"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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