Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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