I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
