dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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