i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
