How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
