he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
