you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
