i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
