ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
