I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
