My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
