i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
