yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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