Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
