My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
