why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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