he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
