I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize