I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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