your parents love me but you hate me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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