I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I look better un-naked...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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