batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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