in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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