she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
