On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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