There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
