My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
