The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
