anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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