You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize