Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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