Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
