i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
