anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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