I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
