I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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