dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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