i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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