I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
